reflections

So, I've been on leave for a month already. It went by so fast! Time just seems to fly by as an adult. I remember being a kid and it felt like a school year was FOREVER! Didn't it? Now it seems like we just celebrated a New year and it's now almost April. It also seems like it was yesterday that I found the lump on the breast that betrayed me but on April 6 it will be 3 years! 3 years of a mind-fucking experience. The sad part is that it's never going to end but at least I'm alive. I'm still here. For now. And I'm okay with that. And don't give me that shit about how if I stay positive I'll be okay because it's not about staying "positive", it's about learning to live a new normal. I'm just hopeful and I try to live my every day life as normal as possible for as long as I can. And also just for the record: I am NOT giving up sugar or coffee. One thing I will do though is try to exercise more often. I used to exercise at least 4

Getting my infusion. #livingwithcancer I've been on medical leave for a couple of weeks now and I've been sick for half that time. When I get sick now, it just lasts longer thanks to my compromised immune system. I guess it could be worse. I'll take a cough/cold any day as long as it doesn't progress to pneumonia. It's actually been kind of boring being home because since I've been sick I haven't had much time to go hiking or run my errands. I've just been feeling so tired lately and my bones ache so much especially my stupid shoulder. I wish I could say that it will get better and I know that it will, temporarily anyway. At least my liver pain has decreased so I guess that's good. I think the stress from work was just really aggravating all of my symptoms so it's nice to have this break to just focus on feeling better. The highlight of my leave so far is getting my cancer treatments. And thankfully Cruz's dad has stepped up to the pla

This past weekend was exciting! I went to the YSC 2015 Summit in Houston, Texas. There was some pinkwashing present but I don't blame the people there. They haven't been educated enough about metastatic disease and the likelihood of recurrence. It felt really good to get to meet people going through metastatic breast cancer with me. It just really sucks that this is how we meet. I also got to go on a plane for the first time ever and I guess it wasn't too bad. A little bumpy due to turbulence and I would get a head rush every once in awhile but I made it. I also got to see family. That was also one of the best parts of the trip. I was hoping to get a little more information out of the whole trip but I guess I still have Philadelphia. I'll be going to a metastatic breast cancer conference given by Living Beyond Breast Cancer. I hope this conference is better since it's focus is Metastatic Breast cancer and the YSC conference was mostly focused on breast cancer in g

Tomorrow I'm going on my first ever flight...and I'm kinda scared. That's right. I'm in my 30's and I've never been on a plane. We were too poor to afford plane rides when I was younger and once I got older we would always drive everywhere. When we went to Mexico to visit family we drove. We took the train once and there were bus rides too. Now that I'm older I've driven through many western states to get to Colorado and Wyoming to visit family. I guess I figured that I better finally get on a plane before I die.  And for my first ever plane ride I'll be going to the YSC Summit which is a conference for young women affected by breast cancer in Houston. At least it will be a short flight for my first flight. And I made sure to get a nonstop flight so that I'm not freaking out for too long. I'll also be sure to take an Ativan to calm my nerves. I guess I figure that so much shit has happened to me that God better take pity on me and let me ha