Time Flies

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So, I've been on leave for a month already. It went by so fast! Time just seems to fly by as an adult. I remember being a kid and it felt like a school year was FOREVER! Didn't it? Now it seems like we just celebrated a New year and it's now almost April. It also seems like it was yesterday that I found the lump on the breast that betrayed me but on April 6 it will be 3 years! 3 years of a mind-fucking experience. The sad part is that it's never going to end but at least I'm alive. I'm still here. For now. And I'm okay with that. And don't give me that shit about how if I stay positive I'll be okay because it's not about staying "positive", it's about learning to live a new normal. I'm just hopeful and I try to live my every day life as normal as possible for as long as I can. And also just for the record: I am NOT giving up sugar or coffee. One thing I will do though is try to exercise more often. I used to exercise at least 4 days a week before cancer and I really wish I could get back to that routine. I will obviously have to start off small but I'm hoping that in some way it will help with my fatigue. 

 Sometimes I do wish I could feel like I used to feel. Normal. No port. No lab draws. No toxic medications. No fatigue. No diarrhea (sorry but this is the reality of cancer and medication side effects). No pain. No PTSD or panic attacks. No surgeries. No neuropathy or muscle spasms. No heart palpitations. The list goes on and on. But I have Cruz to motivate me and keep me going. As long as he needs me I will fight to stay. I have way too many things I want to do before I die. I already crossed off flying in a plane and soon I will cross off visiting the East Coast. Hopefully I'll be able to cross off going to Europe one day. I only wish I was smart enough to find a CURE for cancer. Who knows, maybe they WILL find a cure before I die. There's so many new developments with the use of immunotherapy these days that I'm hopeful something will come out of it.
Look! My hair is long enough to pull back in a short ponytail.

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