reflections

I have officially resigned from my job. I hate to quit on something but the management and the organization were wearing me down. I just don't need that negative and toxic environment in my life. The past two years at that place were horrible. I feel like I let them win by leaving but at the same time I feel like this weight has been lifted off of me. The only thing keeping me there were the health benefits and now that they took that away there's no reason for me to stay. The way they have treated me is just not right. I know it's the same for other employees but people need their jobs. I'm just disappointed I guess and sad that I don't get to say goodbye to the coworkers that did support me. I need to work for an organization that accepts my cancer and accommodates my needs when the time comes. You'd think that a healthcare organization would understand that the best. But anyway.... I am now going to work for a different hospital. So far the people I have me...

I guess you need an update don't you. Some of you may be anxiously waiting to hear the results of my PET-CT scan which I had this past Monday. Well, the results are in and apparently I am NED!!! No Evidence of Active Disease at this moment. The spot in my breast has resolved itself but there is something on my liver which they believe is just a liver hemangioma. Considering that my cancer metastasized to my liver I don't quite enjoy having a hemangioma because all I can think about is that it could possibly trigger the cancer in my liver to become active. And that's not something I want because cancer in the liver hurts...and burns. It doesn't feel good. The pain that I have right now is enough, I don't want the burning to come back.  Otherwise I am extremely happy and grateful with my results. I am grateful to have more time with Perjeta and Herceptin. They're my two best friends right now. They're keeping that cancer nice and stable without growth and...

Lately I dread checking my mail. Sometimes I'll go a whole week not checking it because all I want to do is cry as I look through the stack of medical bills that keep coming. It's a stressful event. I look through them and I know that some of them are mistakes but not all of them. And even if they are mistakes, the process of having to call the billing office to have them billed correctly is overwhelming! I just haven't been able to handle it lately. And to top it off, I'm losing my health insurance. To go into the details is too much at the moment but let's just say that the job that gives me health benefits is not exactly supportive. I now have to pay for it and the price is definitely high. Most likely over $700 a month. And no, I don't qualify for anything much cheaper because of my income last year. Yes, nurses make good income but for a cancer patient it is NOT enough. Even if I made the tightest budget ever, it still wouldn't be enough to pay off this...

I officially have my Bachelor's Degree in Nursing! They mailed it to me and I received it on Wednesday. It's kind of exciting! I now have a Bachelor of Arts in History with a Politics minor and a Bachelor of Science Degree in Nursing. (I know...completely different!) And I won't exclude my Associates Degree in Nursing, that was a lot of work and I'm not gonna leave it out. I actually appreciate my Associates Degree because I feel as though it prepared me for the hospital setting a little more than a Bachelor's degree would have if I had done it from the start because it gave me more practical skills training compared to theory. Hands on training is extremely important! Sorry if it sounds like I'm bragging but I'm just so excited. Plus, growing up the way I did, I feel as though this is a BIG accomplishment. I'm the daughter of Mexican immigrants who had very little opportunity for education. I'm one of 6 children that grew up in a 2 bedroom duplex th...