Too Many Appointments

I have driven to the city 3 days this week in order to go to 4 appointments. I am basically done with the gynecologist oncologist since all of that came back normal. Yay! One less oncologist! I only have to see her if my remaining ovary starts causing me any problems (which it better not; I only have one left and I don’t want to be thrown into menopause at my age).  Menopause sucks! I was thrown into temporary menopause during chemo and hot flashes suck! Combine that with the rollercoaster of emotions due to steroids and you can have one bitchy lady.

I also had appointments with my breast oncologist and breast surgeon. Everything seems to be healing well on that end as well. The only question now is whether I should do radiation on my breast. On Wednesday my oncology nurse practitioner said that she didn’t think I needed it but on Friday my breast surgeon said that I should do it. My doctors really need to speak to each other and talk about this before giving me confusing opinions. I ended up emailing my oncologist after speaking with the surgeon to ask her opinion again so that maybe she can have a conversation with the surgeon and they can come to some sort of agreement. If they feel strongly that I should do radiation then I will do it but at my stage is it really helpful? The cancer in my breast is nothing compared to the cancer in my liver (especially since they took out all the remaining cancer out of my breast!).

If I do go ahead with radiation I got a referral from the breast surgeon so that I can do it locally. Radiation will involve having to go 5 days a week for between 4-6 weeks and I really don’t want to have to drive to San Francisco everyday especially since I’m going to have to drive myself. I’ll probably be too exhausted to drive so far since fatigue is the most common side effect from radiation. Most of my family lives two hours away and I’m a single mom so I’m basically on my own here. My son’s father may be able to take me sometimes but I hate to ask him because he makes me feel like it’s some kind of big chore to take me anywhere and also manages to make me feel guilty for even asking (I’m just really trying to stay on friendly terms). It’s also kind of embarrassing asking for help when you don’t know other people in my town very well. Oh well, the story of my life.

I just have to make the best of things. On a good note my breast surgeon was telling me that she was aiming to cure me not just manage the disease. Although that sounds good and all, stage 4 cancer is incurable. Now, I don’t want people to think I’m being pessimistic. I’m just being realistic. I have all the hope in the world that I will be in this NED (no evidence of disease) status for as long as possible and I also do believe in miracles. So, whenever possible spare one of your wishes for me whenever you blow out a birthday candle or throw a coin in a fountain or drive through a tunnel while holding your breath. It will be much appreciated.