reflections

Being a single mom is hard but being a single mom with cancer and living in the Bay area is even harder. Sometimes I wish I could just come home and relax but there's no such thing as free time these days. If I'm not at work then I'm at an appointment or running errands. Sleeping in? I don't know what that is anymore. I think that disappears the moment you have kids. ;) Except now it's coupled with anxiety-induced insomnia. I think the only days when I actually feel rested are my infusion days. So, thank you Benadryl for allowing me a day of rest every 3 weeks.  I think I just have to accept that I will never have the energy I once had or be a power mom and that's okay. I don't have the free time to be able to volunteer for school activities. I may be able to go on the occasional field trip but that's about it. Sometimes I wish I could help out in class but I just don't have time. I've also been using a lot of free time looking for a different

Definitely a bad day today but hopefully tomorrow is a better day. Sleep would help. Oh yeah, and good news. My life is spent waiting so, it's getting a little old. I just need to know. Yes or no. Please God, let it be a yes. 

So, the good news is that I do not have cancer in my right shoulder. Yay! I had my MRI yesterday which was definitely an experience. Before my MRI I pre-medicated myself with 1mg of Ativan just to calm myself down because that machine seems so small when you're inside it. I figured I could just take a nap while I'm in there which will make the time go by faster except the tech kept waking me up! It was so annoying. I've never had that happen before. They usually just let you sleep. Easier for them and easier for me. This tech would actually go inside the room and peek inside and tell me to wake up. It was not fun. I was finally able to take a good nap once I had my infusion of Herceptin/Perjeta. After I got home I took a nap as well. Between Ativan and Benadryl I was so tired yesterday. Woke up for a few hours to eat and went to bed.  I'm going to try and relax today but that hardly ever works out. I always end up cleaning or doing something. Plus, I go back to work t

It's a new year and with it comes more tests and more treatments. Sucks. It also means the beginning of deductibles. Really sucks! The beginning of the year comes with double the expenses until I meet my deductibles for my medical insurance. In some ways it's okay because I meet those deductibles pretty quickly but it also means a large amount of money all at once. Something I cannot afford but I have no choice but to take on more medical debt. It's either that or my life. I've been trying really hard to earn extra money but so far it hasn't worked out too well. Won't stop trying though. How many more jobs should I have to take on to get through this? It's really difficult but I have to think of something.  I don't want to spend all my time working because then I'm going to miss out on being present for Cruz.  Sigh... I'm going to try not to let this take over my thoughts. I want to focus on the good things that are happening right now. Obvio