reflections

Christmas is coming soon so my son, my niece and I decided to put up the Christmas tree to get some holiday cheer into our lives. I just love Christmas. My absolute favorite holiday and it's not because of the presents because to tell you the truth I hardly ever get any presents but because of the time spent with family. My sisters and I usually help my mom make tamales on Christmas Eve and we stay up until midnight and watch the kids open up their presents. Love seeing the smiles on their faces. And I love eating good food. Plus I'm a little more excited this year because I learned how to make scarves so I've begun a project to make everyone in my immediate family a scarf for Christmas. The kids won't be too excited about a scarf so they will get something extra but adults should expect a scarf. Now I need to learn how to make blankets, hats, sweaters, etc. Below is a sample of the scarf I made for my niece which I gave to her early. I think it's pretty good

It’s been a long few weeks with lots of disappointment and some good times as well. I had my infusion last Thursday where I met a very nice older gentleman with melanoma. He was getting his chemo and talking to my friend K who came with me. Unfortunately the Benadryl made me too sleepy but I could hear them having a lovely conversation. That’s the part I like about my infusions. I get to meet people and hear their stories. I also like the staff. I have my follow-up appointment with my oncologist coming up in 3 weeks where I will find out when my next PET-CT scan will be. It will probably be in January which is fine with me because I don’t want to worry myself for results around the holidays. Currently though I am home sick. I’ve had a cough for about 2 or 3 weeks now but all of a sudden it all just hit me. I think I’ve just let my body get run down due to stress and work. I have got to learn to not stress about things anymore. I think I’m finally starting to get it though. There’s

I have been questioning my faith a lot lately. It just seems like I keep getting something bad thrown at me constantly. Just when I think things are looking up, things just go downhill. You know that saying “God doesn’t give you more than you can handle”, well, I hate it. It’s kind of bullshit. I’m sorry, but it’s not nice to pick on one person over and over again. Wasn’t getting metastatic breast cancer enough? So, God, if you’re listening, can you please send something good my way (Preferably a guy with a six pack that knows how to take care of a woman, Lol)? On a serious note though, I’m asking for your help here. I really need you in my life right now to help get me through these tough times with the strength of Wonder Woman because the last thing I need is stress and the end of the week last week was full of it. At least I got to spend time with family this weekend which really did help relax me after a horrible Friday.  My son wanted to go see his cousins and we had a great

I've been having a lot of neuropathy in my fingers and toes today. It's a lot of tingling and burning sensations that get really annoying. Just taking a warm shower felt uncomfortable in my toes. The tingling kind of feels like when your hands fall asleep but slightly different. I guess I should be happy that they don't hurt anymore. When I was on chemo, my feet would hurt so badly especially at night that I couldn't stand having the blankets touch my feet. I just really don't like the burning sensation.  I've also been feeling so tired lately. Between work and insomnia I'm not getting as much sleep as I would like. Today was my day off so as soon as I dropped off my son at school I came back home and took a nap. I probably could have run some errands but I just really wanted to sleep. I need to start taking better care of myself. Between having no sleep, stress and eating less due to stress, I could really hurt my immune system. I'm starting to los

There are days when this song represents exactly how I feel, kind of sad (but still a beautiful song): But any woman in my situation should also have this song on their playlist because every woman should feel pretty even when they're bald:

I've been having a difficult time falling asleep lately. Usually by the time I fall asleep it's about 2 or 3 in the morning which isn't fun. At least I was able to sleep in this weekend and snuggling with my son watching cartoons in the morning is always the best. He's been wanting to do more chores around the house lately which is nice. I'm teaching him how to do the laundry because for some reason he really wants to do it but I'll definitely have to supervise. I have to say that despite my anxiety and difficulty falling asleep we had a really good weekend. My niece spent the weekend with me and we spent a lot of time out of the house which was nice because it kept my mind distracted. I did go out and do something for myself as well which I may or may not blog about one day. For now I'll just keep it to myself. It's so strange because the less cancer related doctor appointments I have the less I think about cancer but it's always there at the back

With the stressful day I had yesterday I completely forgot that yesterday was the anniversary of my last chemo. I have been off chemo for a whole year! I'm still getting IV infusions but it definitely does not compare to chemo. Those last two months of chemo were definitely horrible. It involved lots of physical pain and crying. I guess it involved a lot of emotional pain and loneliness as well. But it's over and it's been over for one year! My son said to me today "I'm glad you don't have cancer anymore" which was so sweet. Technically, I still do (just too small to see) but I'm happy that he's happy and we just have to enjoy this time together. I feel empowered today. I have generally been a very submissive and quiet person but I'm starting to stand up for myself more and I'm no longer going to be the quiet girl in the corner. It's weird because with my family I'm definitely not this way but with everyone else I am. I'm star

I need a little Tupac in my life right about now and maybe for the last year and a half. :)

I spent the first part of my Halloween at appointments. One of them happened to be my infusion of Perjeta & Herceptin. Most of the staff were dressed up in Halloween costumes which made it kind of fun to be there. I put on my cat ears to show a little Halloween spirit during my infusion. Of course I got very drowsy after I got my Benadryl and I slept on and off until I got home. I want to say thank you to one of my friends for taking me to my appointments. Obviously I can’t drive after getting Benadryl. I would probably fall asleep while driving and that’s not good. I have a love/hate relationship with my infusions. I love talking to the staff and knowing that I’m doing everything I can to keep cancer out of my life but I also hate the fact that I have to do it in the first place. Life was so much simpler before cancer but this is the life I’ve been dealt and I just have to enjoy the time that I do have here with my son. I’m trying to live life in the present. When I got home