Breaking up is Hard to do 8/12/13

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I have had a very rough weekend. Spending time with family was great but I felt like I was putting on a brave face for everybody when really all I wanted to do was cry which was what I did after I got home from a birthday dinner with a friend. My birthdays are supposed to be fun and a time of celebration but for the past two years they have been kind of awful. Last year I was in the middle of chemo and this year I’m going through a breakup (and I’m sick). I know that we aren’t meant to be together and that it’s best for us to be apart but it still hurts to know that he already moved on so quickly.


To know that he’s already dating is kind of breaking my heart. It makes me wonder if he ever really cared about me. For me, the thought of dating isn’t even something that comes to mind so soon. I wouldn’t even know how to date. Is this a gender thing, do guys just move on quickly? I don’t know. Did I mention that we’re also still living together? Yeah, I know but he needs time to find a place which is making it so much harder. Plus, it makes me scared that I’m going to die alone. It would be very difficult to find a person who wouldn’t mind dating someone with incurable cancer. All I know is that I’m hurting right now and I wish I could get away on a mini vacation right now with my son. I really need to be stress free since I’ll be starting radiation soon. Once I’m feeling better I am open to going out with friends who can cheer me up. Any takers? 

(This was originally posted on 8/12/13 but I took it down. I am putting it back up because this is just how I was feeling at the time and there's nothing wrong with being sad.)

Comments

  1. CatherineAugust 24, 2013 at 2:47 PM

    Hi Catalina,

    You are right, there's not a thing wrong with being sad. Or angry. Or tired. It's all okay. Though I am sorry you are hurting, and it sounds like a tough situation at the moment. I'm wishing you a space of your own, time to heal and then time to connect with whatever you need most.

    One thing is for sure, you have a very kind heart (and I know cause you didn't need to email me), a gorgeous smile, and such an adorable son.

    But there's a time to be sad, so take what you need. I hope you find some stress free days ahead.

    ReplyDelete

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