Headache...Please Go Away!

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Ugh, I've had a headache for 3 days in a row and I can't seem to get rid of it. It's getting to the point where I feel nauseous. I keep having to make myself eat at least once a day but it's so hard because I have no appetite. I start eating but then I have to stop because it makes me nauseous and sometimes even the thought of food makes me sick. You'd think between feeling nauseous, having no appetite and having serious stomach issues I'd be losing weight but I'm not. At least I'm not gaining any though. My weight has been holding steady for months. I do want to start going out for more walks though. I need some distraction. 

What I really need though is a stress free environment. My scan is getting closer and I'm getting more and more nervous. Plus, every time I think things are getting easier, things get worse. Two steps forward but then two steps back. I think I have to stop letting my guard down. Every time I do I just end up being the one hurt. When will I learn. I'm just too nice. I need to continue being the strong, independent woman that I am and focus on me and Cruz alone. No one takes care of me but me. That's the way it's been for a long time. 

 I just want to feel better. Being a single mom with a single income and a lifetime cancer patient is hard but I know I can do it. I've been doing it for awhile now and Cruz makes it all worth it. We had his birthday party two days ago and he had so much fun with his friends. On his actual birthday I took him roller skating and he had fun there too. And he loved all his gifts of course. I love seeing the smile on his face when he's happy. 

 I wish I could wave a wand or something and make everything better. I want Cruz to be happy all the time. I want my happily ever after story. And I want this headache to just go away. It's freaking me out by making me think my cancer has spread to my brain. It probably hasn't but these thoughts are common for someone with cancer. I just need to live for Cruz and keep all the people that hurt me away from me. Either that or they need to change and stop hurting me. 

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