Trying to Move Forward

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There’s nothing worse than losing who you thought was your best friend when you need them most. It’s sad and kind of hurtful but you just have to try to find a way to move forward. There are so many emotions that go into this diagnosis and even though things are good with my health at this moment it doesn’t mean it will be this way forever. It would be nice if I had someone by my side to help me get through the tough times and be with me to enjoy the good times. I’m a strong woman but there’s only so much a person can take. I’ve said before that it’s ok to cry and I really wish people would understand this. When I cry, it’s not because I feel sorry for myself but because I ‘m sorry that my son has to go through this with me. I don’t wish this on anybody. I don’t want my son to have to go through life without his mother or having to watch me slowly dwindle away.


I’m also angry that someone else will eventually take my place and get to be with him through all the important milestones in the future. I know that I will always be his mother but I may not be the one that’s with him in the future. Believe me, I fully intend to be here but realistically I have to remember that I may not be. How exactly is one supposed to deal with something that big and not cry once in awhile. And how can that someone totally disregard my feelings. Having cancer is one big emotional rollercoaster and I really wish I wasn’t on it. So God, if you’re listening, please let some more good stuff happen in my life because I really need it. I really need some peace in my life. 

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