Scanxiety Again!

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So much is on my mind this week and I am trying really hard not to let it overwhelm me too much. My scan is coming up. Enough said. I am so nervous but I am trying really hard to stay positive. I like how positive the people around me are about my situation because in a way it keeps me balanced. I tend to be matter of fact about it and I don't like to get my hopes up too much because I don't want to be disappointed. I also have an echo the same day as my scan to make sure my heart is still handling all these toxic medications well. And on top of that I have an infusion as well. This is how I spend my time off. Not exactly how I would choose to spend it but hey I can make it work.

I've been feeling so exhausted lately though and it scares me to think that the cancer's coming back. That was the only symptom I felt before I was diagnosed. I went to the doctor several times to tell them about my fatigue and every single time they said I was fine. Doctors think that just because you're young you must be healthy so they don't investigate as hard as they should. I'm hoping that my fatigue is mostly related to working more day shifts which means waking up at 5am 3-4 days a week and lack of sleep. My fear of falling asleep keeps me up until really late so by the time I fall asleep I'm lucky to get 5 hours of sleep at the most. So, maybe I'm just exhausted because I really do need more sleep. Maybe I'll have a nice nap in the scan machine after taking 1mg of Ativan. Keeps me from freaking out over the contrast dye. I hate the way it makes me feel. I don't like contrast dye. It's overrated.

At the end of the week I will treat myself to a nice hair treatment which will involve re-applying my hair extensions or rocking short hair. Not sure what I want to do yet. I guess it all depends with how long my real hair is. We'll see. At least my eyelashes are hanging in there. This is the longest they've gone without falling out and growing back. I just want my week to end on a happy note. I don't want to deal with anymore disappointments. So, I'm going to hope and pray that this week turns out to be an AWESOME week.



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