Why I Didn't Get a Mastectomy

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When people find out that I have breast cancer, they often ask if I've had a mastectomy. The answer is no. When I found out I had breast cancer back in April of 2012 I was absolutely ready to have a double mastectomy. I had no reservations about it because after all what are boobs compared to my life with Cruz. Unfortunately as the days passed by and I got more test results the option of a mastectomy disappeared. You see, a mastectomy helps prevent the disease from spreading and my cancer had already spread so a mastectomy would only truly be for peace of mind in my case. I had 3 tumors in my right breast, the biggest being 7cm, and those who know me know that I'm not as well endowed as my sisters. My C cups meant that my tumors took up practically my whole breast. This meant that I had to have chemotherapy first before any surgery consideration.

So, that's what I did. 6 months of chemo once a week to shrink my tumors. After all of that the two smaller tumors disappeared and only 2mm was left of the larger one. The last 2mm was removed during my lumpectomy in July of 2013. For a long time while I was going through chemo I was still adamant that I wanted a mastectomy. I felt like my breasts had betrayed me and I wanted no part of them. I wanted them off of my body but now I have come to terms with my situation. I'm not sure if it would be worth it to have such a major surgery when I know that my cancer has never been contained in just my breasts. I had the bad luck to find my cancer really late and I've never had the option of a cure. When my cancer comes back it will most likely not be in my breasts. It could be in my liver again, my bones, my lungs or my brain. Or in some other weird place.

My breasts are definitely not perfect, one is now noticeably smaller but I guess we have made peace with each other. I can't change what's happened but I can make sure that I make the best of the time I do have right now, at this moment. I can't think about the future too much. I have to think about the present and make it the best possible for Cruz and I. I know that some people don't understand that but it is what it is. As long as Cruz is happy that is all I care about. Also as my next scan date gets closer I am getting more and more nervous. I am really hoping that the news is still good because I really hate taking toxic medications. The ones I am on right now haven't caused me to have too many side effects so far and I'd like to keep it that way for as long as possible. This is better for my quality of life and allows me to participate more fully in Cruz's life. They also allow me to work so I can be the best single mom I can be. So, I am going to continue living in the present and hope that my next scan once again shows NED. It will be the best half birthday a 7 1/2 year old can have.

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