Sad News...

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These past few days have been really tough. I feel devastated and numb at the same time. My aunt passed away yesterday and yes, she died of breast cancer. Her immune system was just too weak and her liver started failing. Add pneumonia on top of that and her body just couldn't take it. I'm happy that I got to see her and hug her one last time this past Sunday. I'm also happy that she's not in pain anymore. To be honest, this also kind of scares me. So far I have been in good health for a year and a half but seeing my aunt in that hospital bed felt like I was having a glimpse of my future. Although most people fail to acknowledge this, eventually my medications will stop working and I'll start the painful road of switching medications constantly as the cancer starts to outsmart the drugs. Hopefully it doesn't happen for a long time but I have accepted the fact that one day it will happen. 

 I know that I often don't show my true feelings about my diagnosis to people because I want to be strong but believe me, it's a difficult situation to come to terms with. In a way, being matter of fact about it helps me cope but moments like these really make me break down. While I'm alone of course. Sometimes I do wish I had someone here to hug me, hold me, and tell me everything is going to be okay but I don't. He decided to walk away and I deserve better than that. I'm happy that my aunt had my cousins at her side until the end. She had a hard life and she went through many difficult situations but she was loved. I know that my family loves me too and I wish we lived closer to each other so that we can enjoy more time together but unfortunately I can't. Not yet anyway.

 Since knowing my diagnosis I recognize that we need to appreciate each other more. I need to start saying I love you more often and hug people more often. I don't want to regret anything. The last time I saw my aunt fully conscious and aware she cried with me over hearing that I had breast cancer too because no one really knows what's it's like unless you're going through it. I'm so tired of hearing that people I know are dying from this stupid disease and that one day I will be one of those people but I guess for now I just have to keep on living. I have to live for Cruz, my family, and my few friends. I only wish I had more free time to spend with Cruz and my family but since I'm the sole provider for me and Cruz at the moment I have to continue to work. 

 Sorry for the sad post. I promise there will be happier ones. I only ask that you hug your loved ones and tell them how much you love them every day. To my cousins; I'm sorry you lost your mom. I can only imagine how horrible it must feel. It's okay to cry and let it all out because it's not fair that this has to happen to good people. I love you guys and I'll see you soon. Rest in peace Tia Nancy. 

Comments

  1. L.A.July 16, 2017 at 9:05 AM

    So sorry for you and your families loss and breast cancer punching you in your gut again. Hugs

    ReplyDelete

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