Bad Dreams and Depression

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Do you have someone in your life that doesn't seem to want to see you happy? They say they do but their actions don't quite match up with their words. And even their words are sometimes hurtful like wishing that "logistically it would have been better if you had died". He later apologized but then within two months denied that he ever said it. I have someone that fits that exact description and unfortunately I can't just cut him out of my life. I try my best to live my life separate and focus on Cruz and my health but every time I show an ounce of happiness he tries to creep his way back into my life and ruin all my progress. I don't think all the therapy in the world can fix him but I guess I just have to deal with it and not let him get to me so much. I need to empower myself to be the strong woman that I am.

 I'm just so exhausted emotionally and physically. The last thing I need is someone bringing me down. I tried meditation but I just can't seem to sit still. I know I've mentioned before that I need to try yoga. Now I just have to motivate myself to actually do it. That's the thing about depression. It keeps you stuck. No matter how hard you try to climb out of the hole something always drags you back in. Obviously therapy and medication help but it's still overwhelming. 

 I think everyone gets a little depressed at one point in their life but when things keep happening year after year and day after day it's hard to recover. I know that I should be jumping up and down for joy right now because I have no evidence of disease and I was, yesterday. Today I woke up with a headache after a terrible dream that I haven't been able to erase from my mind and it has seriously affected my mood. I let all my tears out this morning and I allowed myself to rest most of the day, mostly because my head hurt so bad. But now Cruz is home and I think letting it all out this morning really helped me. 

 Now, I'm starting to get that feeling back. The feeling that I CAN do this single mom thing. I've already proven that I can do it; I just got a little sidetracked. But now I'm getting back on track. And I'm super happy that I have NO EVIDENCE OF DISEASE! My main job now is to continue to be healthy and protect and care for Cruz. I'm going to continue being the best mom I can be and I'm doing a damn good job too. His quote "You're the most awesome mom ever!" although he'll deny it in front of his friends because it's not cool. This journey that I'm on is a tough one but with Cruz's love and the support from all of you guys I know that I can do it. I would very much appreciate it. 

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