Starting Over

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This past weekend was a really good weekend even if I had a small cold. I think it was just the break I needed from my hectic life over here all by myself. It was nice to be distracted by my family from the stressful life I'm currently living. I went home because my niece was doing her first communion and I'm her Godmother. We had such a great time. My niece looked so beautiful in her dress and veil. Afterwards we had a barbecue and all the kids had a water balloon fight and ran through the sprinklers. I love how Cruz loves to spend time with his cousins. I wish we lived closer so they could hang out together more often. I want them to be close and that's kind of difficult when we live so far away. We appreciate the times we get to spend in my hometown because there we have family and support. 

 I feel like I was kept isolated from them for so long because I was made to feel like it's not okay to actually like your family and want to spend time with them. I was always walking on eggshells in my own home. Nothing was ever right. But I guess now I shouldn't have to worry about that anymore. I have to focus on Cruz and my own health. This weekend made me realize that we have to enjoy our lives everyday.

 When I got to my mom's house on Friday night I noticed that there were a lot of cars at her neighbor's house and come to find out it was because my mom's 29 year old neighbor had just died a few days earlier from a heart attack. He left behind his wife and 3 children; the youngest being only 3 months old. Here I am, fighting this stupid disease but in the end I still don't know when I'm going to die. I could die of cancer but I could also die of so many other causes. Nobody knows their end date so we should just try to enjoy every day as if it was the last because you never know. My mom's neighbor was a seemingly healthy guy one day and gone the next. 

 I feel like I am capable of happiness even if I know I have an incurable disease but I need to make sure I have the right people in my life. No more toxic people are allowed. I don't have time for that. I have to make this time with Cruz the best possible so that he has good memories of us. We have to live each day to the fullest and make sure to pack in lots of hugs, kisses and I love you's. We need to spend more time with family and friends. We have a new opportunity here to start over and I'm going to make sure we make the best of it. :)

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