Therapy Can Work (Sometimes)
It's no secret that I go to therapy. After my diagnosis I felt very devastated especially after my partner made no effort to support me emotionally. It was an extremely lonely time for me and it still is in some ways. So, I started seeing a therapist that specializes in oncology as well as a psychiatrist for the medication aspect. I actually enjoy going to therapy because there I feel like I can actually talk about my feelings and concerns without criticism or avoidance. I think a lot of people don't understand the deep feelings of depression and anxiety that come along with this diagnosis so they avoid the issue and the person because it makes them uncomfortable. But that doesn't help us at all. What we need the most is support. It doesn't matter if you don't know what to say; just be there. Help distract us from our own thoughts and fears.
My therapist and psychiatrist have been very helpful in helping me cope with my diagnosis and while I remain hopeful I am also realistic about my prognosis. I know a lot of people can interpret being realistic with being negative sometimes because I talk about my future death but it's inevitable. We're all dying and we should all think about the future. It's not a fun subject but being realistic about my prognosis actually helps me cope. Obviously I cry about it sometimes but who wouldn't, right? It can be extremely overwhelming. I think that sometimes people just don't quite understand my diagnosis so it's hard for them to believe that I can die from this because I look healthy. Yes, I'm not on chemo at this time but I may have to be on it again in the future. For now, I'm grateful that my medications are tolerable and they're keeping the cancer cells from multiplying. Herceptin and Perjeta are buying me some time and so far my heart has been able to handle them. Going to therapy has helped me accept this part of my life but I don't have to like it.
I do recommend therapy for anyone going through a difficult situation because I think they can help you come up with strategies to help you cope and overcome them. Unfortunately I'm learning that going to therapy with someone is very difficult. Instead of feeling free to express my feelings all I'm getting out of it is insults and criticisms. I'm hoping it gets better because it's not fun coming out of a therapy session feeling like a nobody and worse than when I went in. When I go to my oncology therapist I always come out feeling a sense of relief and hope but these "other" therapy sessions are making me feel worse and it's not the therapist's fault. I know she's trying her best to mediate and help us but... At first I was hopeful that these therapy sessions would help with communication but I'm not so sure anymore. I feel like I need to go to my own therapist afterwards just to recover. Maybe I just need to give it some time. I don't know. I just don't want to be someone's punching bag anymore.
Everyday it's getting easier and easier to let go. I'm hoping to catch a break soon though because all I want is to live a happy life with Cruz. I want him to remember good times so, I have to make sure he does. At the end of the day the only thing that matters to me is Cruz's smile as he says "I love you Mami."
My therapist and psychiatrist have been very helpful in helping me cope with my diagnosis and while I remain hopeful I am also realistic about my prognosis. I know a lot of people can interpret being realistic with being negative sometimes because I talk about my future death but it's inevitable. We're all dying and we should all think about the future. It's not a fun subject but being realistic about my prognosis actually helps me cope. Obviously I cry about it sometimes but who wouldn't, right? It can be extremely overwhelming. I think that sometimes people just don't quite understand my diagnosis so it's hard for them to believe that I can die from this because I look healthy. Yes, I'm not on chemo at this time but I may have to be on it again in the future. For now, I'm grateful that my medications are tolerable and they're keeping the cancer cells from multiplying. Herceptin and Perjeta are buying me some time and so far my heart has been able to handle them. Going to therapy has helped me accept this part of my life but I don't have to like it.
I do recommend therapy for anyone going through a difficult situation because I think they can help you come up with strategies to help you cope and overcome them. Unfortunately I'm learning that going to therapy with someone is very difficult. Instead of feeling free to express my feelings all I'm getting out of it is insults and criticisms. I'm hoping it gets better because it's not fun coming out of a therapy session feeling like a nobody and worse than when I went in. When I go to my oncology therapist I always come out feeling a sense of relief and hope but these "other" therapy sessions are making me feel worse and it's not the therapist's fault. I know she's trying her best to mediate and help us but... At first I was hopeful that these therapy sessions would help with communication but I'm not so sure anymore. I feel like I need to go to my own therapist afterwards just to recover. Maybe I just need to give it some time. I don't know. I just don't want to be someone's punching bag anymore.
Everyday it's getting easier and easier to let go. I'm hoping to catch a break soon though because all I want is to live a happy life with Cruz. I want him to remember good times so, I have to make sure he does. At the end of the day the only thing that matters to me is Cruz's smile as he says "I love you Mami."
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