How Time Flies...

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My beautiful baby. :)
My Cruz is going to turn 8 years old next week. I can't believe how much my baby has grown and I feel extremely lucky to still be here to continue to watch him grow. I only hope that I will be here many more years. I don't want to leave him in his most formative years. My hope is that during this time that we have together we are able to make amazing memories together even if it's just snuggling on the couch together reading a book or watching his favorite movie at the time. 

 I really hope I will be able to meet my grandchildren. How many people do you know that actually wish they'll get old and gray? Well I'm one of them. I will cherish every one of my wrinkles as long as I'm here with Cruz. I know that I'm supposed to outlive him and I accept that; in fact I prefer it, but not now. He needs me.

 The other night he crawled into my bed because he was having bad dreams and of course his stuffed animals came with him. By morning, he had literally taken over the bed and I was hanging on to the edge but I didn't care. Soon he will grow up and like all kids do, he'll become more independent and not want his mami anymore so I have to get in as many cuddles as I can.

 It's unfortunate that his memories begin with me having cancer. He doesn't remember me not having cancer and that sucks. He doesn't remember when I had long hair; he only remembers me bald. I try not to let him see how much cancer affects me because I don't want him to remember me being sick all the time. I'm trying to give him a "normal" life for as long as possible but in my culture we also don't shy away from death. It's a part of life and we can't ignore it but for now I just want us to live and celebrate life. So, each birthday will be extra special for both of us.

 He's actually going to have two birthday parties as usual. One for the family and one for him to enjoy with his friends. Can't wait! I love to see him happy. It'll also take my mind of my upcoming scan. And I hope that we'll be able to do something fun for my birthday next month. I love birthdays!
One of my favorite pictures. :)
Getting older.



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