Feeling Nostalgic with Belanova

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Love Belanova! Feeling nostalgic.



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I was sick for almost a week. First Cruz and then me. I had the biggest headache for 2 days that made it even worse. It finally went away after I took a nap yesterday. I hate headaches. It always makes me think I have a brain tumor which is what happened Friday night. My headache was so bad that I was sure I had a brain tumor and that if I fell asleep I would die. So, I stayed awake as long as I could. I fought off sleep until my body was so exhausted I passed out. I haven't had a brain MRI in awhile and sometimes I think I should request one from my oncologist but I'm scared. I want to know but I don't want to know. I think I'm fine but I don't know for sure. My situation could change in the blink of an eye and that's scary to think about. My liver has also been hurting again. And my shoulder. I feel like one of those old people that has like 100 ailments and I'm only in my 30's. This isn't supposed to be happening....but it is. Next, I'll be ob...
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I've been having a really tough time this week. One of my good friends died and I'm struggling. Our other friend died a couple of months ago so losing another friend in such a short time has affected me. All I've been doing is crying. I'm so dehydrated. I can't even eat which is probably a good thing since I've gained weight recently. Plus, my sister died in December. I thought I could handle all this death around me but I'm starting to think that maybe I can't but the thing is...I have no choice. Death is going to continue to happen because I've entered this new world where death happens all the time. I have Stage 4 fucking cancer and yes...my friends are going to die and it's not fucking fair.  I've decided I'm going to her funeral. I need to say goodbye. I miss her and my other friend so much already. Plus, I feel guilty. Why are they gone and I'm still here? We have the same disease. Why do some of us live longer? I don't ge...
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