Making Changes

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I'm making some changes again. I'm re-decorating Cruz's room and getting rid of the last bit of old furniture. I need to get rid of the furniture that's in the garage too. It's just too difficult for me to see all the old furniture in the house. I guess I just feel like Cruz and I need a fresh start. There have just been so many negative changes in the last couple of years so I feel like we're ready for some positive changes to start happening. Seeing all the old furniture in my house reminds me of all the broken promises of a life I thought I would have. It still hurts...a lot, but I deserve to be a priority and so does Cruz.

 I'm starting small by focusing on the little things. I spent today painting a shelving unit for Cruz's room. He needs storage for his Lego collection. I also moved a freezer out of the kitchen into the garage all by myself earlier this week to make more room in the kitchen. Now, I feel like I need to hang some more stuff on the walls. Not too much but I'd like to have some family pictures of me and Cruz. I'm finally feeling a little more comfortable with my hair for pictures. It's still too short for my taste but at least I'm not bald anymore. I kind of want them done soon just in case. I don't feel like we have enough pictures together and I want to be able to capture as many memories for him as possible.

 Another change that everyone is trying to get me to do is to start dating. Even my therapist is telling me to do it and I have been asked on a couple dates recently but I'm still not sure if I'm ready. There are so many factors to consider when I finally decide but I'm still so confused. For now, I just hope to meet someone that treats me with respect, dignity and is willing to take on this whole cancer thing with me without hesitation. He needs to be willing to go through all the ups and downs without giving up and leaving me when I need him most. He also needs to be a great role model for Cruz. It's a lot to take on which is why I'm not expecting too many takers but I trust that if it's meant to be it will happen. Right now I'm going to focus on decorating, Cruz, and my health.

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