Tired :(

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I was sick for almost a week. First Cruz and then me. I had the biggest headache for 2 days that made it even worse. It finally went away after I took a nap yesterday. I hate headaches. It always makes me think I have a brain tumor which is what happened Friday night. My headache was so bad that I was sure I had a brain tumor and that if I fell asleep I would die. So, I stayed awake as long as I could. I fought off sleep until my body was so exhausted I passed out. I haven't had a brain MRI in awhile and sometimes I think I should request one from my oncologist but I'm scared. I want to know but I don't want to know. I think I'm fine but I don't know for sure. My situation could change in the blink of an eye and that's scary to think about. My liver has also been hurting again. And my shoulder. I feel like one of those old people that has like 100 ailments and I'm only in my 30's. This isn't supposed to be happening....but it is. Next, I'll be obsessing over my bowels and talking about it with whoever listens. Hahaha. For now I'll keep those conversations for my nurses, doctors and Mets sisters. 

 And if all this wasn't enough I am seriously stressing which is the worst thing I can do but I can't stop thinking about my bills. I'm going to have to figure out a payment plan with the hospital because it's just too much right now. If I didn't have all these extra medical costs I would be fine. Definitely not rich but manageable. It's very difficult being a single mom with a single income in the Bay Area. It's so expensive to live here. For now there are already enough changes in my life that moving would just add to the stress but I know that eventually it's inevitable. It just sucks that instead of saving money for Cruz's college fund and my retirement; it all goes to bills. I can't even save money for my funeral. I want to be able to come home and relax. No pain or stress. I'm just tired of pretending everything is okay when it's not. 

 Okay, time to put on my happy face because that's what people want to see, right?

Comments

  1. Anneke SergioJuly 18, 2019 at 2:15 AM

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