Life Goes On

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Trying to make changes in my life recently. Obviously the stress is taking a toll on me but I'm trying really hard to keep going. I think I'm realizing that I don't want to reach out to people anymore. I still feel alone and I don't know how much longer I can take it. I don't want to make the first move anymore. It's just me and Cruz most days. I'm also trying to relax more on my days off. Today was one of those days. There are so many errands that I should have done today but instead I chose to just stay home, relax under the covers and take a nap. I feel like I'm always on the move. I'm always doing something and I have to just slow down and take care of myself. After all, my archangel is looking after me and I should do the same.

 I do have to get my Christmas shopping done though. This year I'm going small and just buying presents for the kids and that's even a stretch but I love my nieces and nephew and I'd like to get them at least something small. I'm looking forward to Christmas. I have a lot to celebrate. I've survived another year with this deadly disease and I have seen Cruz grow a year older. I hope to see him grow into a young man. It's everything I wish for. 

 I have a few appointments to look forward to before Christmas. I have my infusion right before Christmas Eve and I'm going to get a dye study done on my port to figure out if a clot is forming in there. It's been so sluggish recently and I really don't want to deal with a clot so if we can deal with it now the better for me. I'll also get my tumor marker labs drawn at my next infusion just to make sure we're on track. Recently there have been a lot of new nurses at the infusion center and to be honest it makes me sad. I miss my nurses but I guess it's good to meet new ones. Maybe I'll take them some cookies for my next infusion as a thank you. I love nurses and I love being a nurse. We really can make a difference in someone's life. I know that mine have made a tremendous difference in mine. I just really hope that the next year brings me more stability in all aspects of my life. That's my Christmas wish. 

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