Pain, MRI & Stress

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I'm finally going to get an MRI of my right shoulder. I'm so excited! Maybe I can finally figure out what the hell is wrong with it. These past few nights the pain hasn't let me sleep well. It's gotten worse because now my elbow and wrist hurt too. The PET-CT scans never pick anything up but maybe the MRI will show something. Even if the cancer has spread to my bones at least I would know what is causing the pain. Better to catch it now before it takes a hold of my body again. So, I'll keep you posted once I get it done and get the results. Tomorrow I will get the dye study on my port to make sure it's functioning correctly. It's a relatively quick procedure. The worst part is that I'll be driving back home in the middle of traffic and because I switched shifts I'll have to work a 12 hour shift on Friday. Not looking forward to that but gotta do what I gotta do.

 In other news, today didn't start off too well. I found out that a fellow cancer fighter passed away this morning. It's kind of surreal because it happened so quickly. I feel like we fight for so long and then all of a sudden the cancer comes back with a vengeance and the next thing you know, we're gone. It scares me to know that eventually that will happen to me. I've been doing so well for so long that sometimes I feel like it's all going to come crashing down all at once. It's difficult for me to be happy that I'm still NED because I know in my head that it won't last forever. I still enjoy life but this is always in the back of my mind. 

 I love the holidays but it's once again going to be tough this year. The past few Christmases have been hard but I'm going to try to enjoy them because I don't know if this one will be my last. And can I just say that I'm tired of being hurt by people. I need to stop taking everyone's bullshit. Sometimes I wish those people would just disappear out of my life because it would make things so much easier. To have that stress gone would be a dream come true but I have to just learn to let it go. 

 See, too much on my mind. I need some sleep. Ativan anyone?

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