Random Thoughts

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Do you ever wonder who will remember you when you die? Or who will even care that you're gone? Obviously my family will care and they'll be sad but sometimes I wonder if anyone else would even care if I died. What will people remember me for? Will they even remember me? Or would I just become "that girl that died from cancer". I know, doesn't sound like a very happy topic but these are the kinds of things you think about when you're smacked in the face with this stupid diagnosis. I'm even thinking about starting to put away money for my funeral so that I'm not a burden when I'm gone. I'm not even completely sure if I want to be buried or cremated. So far, cremation is winning. It's cheaper and it's not like very many people will visit my grave 100 years from now. But then, where will my ashes go?

 So many things to sort out and it sucks that this could happen sooner rather than later. Maybe I'm just thinking too much because I have scans coming up in a couple of weeks. 3 months sure went by fast. I didn't even realize how fast until I logged into MY Chart on the UCSF website to look at my appointments for the month. Time seems to just fly by. I just hope that things start looking up for me soon because I am trying really hard to make the most of my life. I just wish an awesome vacation can be thrown in this year. Can someone tell that to my boss? (Lol...not really, never gonna happen) But I can dream, can't I?

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