Rough Times

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Cruz broke down crying tonight. It breaks my heart to watch him in pain, emotional or physical.  I think the enormous weight of our current situation is finally affecting him. I wish I could fix it. I wish there was something I can say or do that will make him feel better. That everything will be okay. We just hugged and I cried with him until he felt well enough to go to sleep. 

 Cruz and I have been thinking about moving so that we can start over fresh somewhere else. I know that part of his sadness comes from wanting to stay with his friends. I remember being sad when I moved as a child and having to make new friends.  It's a big change. Sometimes he likes the idea because he said we could get a house with a big yard and we could get a cat. But the friends part is really making him sad. 

 Truth is, I really don't want to move myself but it may be for the best. I'm so confused.  Moving would mean so many changes with me healthcare. It means finding a new job. A new place to live.  It means starting over without the love of my life. I don't know if I'm ready for that. Growing up I never thought that I could possibly be a single mom. I never thought that I would get incurable cancer at 31. And I never thought that I would be left to do this all alone. I'm going to do my best for Cruz cuz apparently God thinks I can do it alone.

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