Update

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I haven't written a blog in a long time. I'm sorry. I feel like I've been going through so many emotions lately. Happiness, sadness, anxiety. There's just too many emotions that it's been overwhelming. I've been in this dark place for a couple weeks now. Sometimes I feel okay and other days I don't want to get out of bed but I do because I have no choice but to keep going. I keep telling myself that I can't keep letting myself get hurt all the time and I've been asking God, why? Why do I keep letting it happen? Why do I have incurable cancer? I'm sure he has a plan but right now, at this moment, I really don't like it. This is the natural process though, right? You go through all these stages of grieving and you just have to make the choice to pick up the pieces and keep going. I have to be strong and get my balls back, so to speak. I can't keep being a pushover and I need to stand up for myself. It's not as easy as it sounds though. I'm really trying though.

 Through all of this mess I did have a scan a couple weeks ago. The scan did show a new nodule growing in my breast but it wasn't showing any uptake which is a good thing. We'll just watch, wait and see what happens with the next scan. For now, this is still good. I don't have to change treatments which is a blessing because I already have enough to go through these days. 

 Lately I've been wishing that I could go back in time. I wish I knew the exact point that my life went down this path. Would I change it? Would I choose a different path knowing everything that I know now? 

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