What?....An Actual Update?

-
I went a whole month without a blog entry. July has been a hectic month for me. So many things have happened. I moved away and then I moved back. There's a good reason why I moved back but I'm just not ready to talk about it yet. I just feel a little dumb for being so indecisive but I know that this decision can bring many good things my way and I am so ready for something good to happen. These past few months have been more stressful than usual. Between cancer and other issues my anxiety has been at an all time high but I think it's finally coming back down. The main source of my anxiety isn't even cancer right now, it's the politics of going on short term disability due to my side effects and stress. Apparently for some people having cancer isn't a good enough reason. Don't they realize that they're constant intimidation just makes my side effects worse? I need this time to relax and heal. Pretty soon, I will go back to work. I'm looking forward to caring for my patients though because I love being a nurse but from now on, I'm just going to keep to myself at work. I'm going to do my job, give the best care to my patients and come home. Not too many people even made an effort to keep in contact with me anyway so I don't think it will be that difficult. 

 In an effort to relax and get away for awhile I went to visit my friend in the Los Angeles area. We went to an outdoor concert, hiking, relaxed on the patio, went to Catalina Island and took Cruz to Disneyland for a day. It was a busy few days but it really did help me take my mind off all the stress that the month of July brought to me. The month of July was also filled with a lot of pain. Both emotional and physical. My liver pain has increased over the past month and so have my body and muscle aches. I think being on my treatment of Herceptin and Perjeta is finally starting to catch up to me and I feel like the side effects get worse every month now. I get so many muscle twitches and cramps now which are annoying and sometimes painful. But, at least I'm alive and stable. I haven't had to change my treatment in almost 3 years which is a true blessing. But I have also had many friends die in the past few months. Many of them around my age and that is just unacceptable. I'm only going to be 35 years old on August 12. I've been living with metastatic breast cancer since I was 31 and it isn't fair. It's not fair for anyone to have to go though this. I'm lucky that I'm still here though. Statistics say I should be dead right now but I AM NOT a statistic. 

I'm going to continue to live each day to the fullest and try to enjoy each day that I have with Cruz. I'll continue my treatments and if I have to change treatments in the future then that's what I'll do. I trust my oncologist and her staff and I know that I can do this for as long as it takes. I have no choice but to keep moving forward. Especially since in a few weeks here I'll be going back to school to get my Master's Degree. I need to be here so I can walk on that stage in two years to get my Master's Degree as a Family Nurse Practitioner. I'm truly hopeful that I'll be around to get that degree. I can't wait!

 I'll leave you with this picture of the Golden Gate Bridge. I cross this bridge all the time to go to UCSF for my cancer treatments.
Golden Gate Bridge

Comments

  1. Mandi - www.DarnGoodLemonade.comAugust 3, 2015 at 1:57 PM

    I hope all goes well with your degree! Sorry to hear about all of the stress, I hope you find some zen soon!

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

My Adventures with Blood Thinners

-
Image
About a year ago on September 12, 2012 I was diagnosed with a pulmonary embolism (PE) which is a blood clot in the lung. I had absolutely none of the classic symptoms of a PE. Instead my blood clot was found during one of my routine PET-CT scans to check on the progress of my cancer. For some reason people with cancer have a tendency to develop blood clots and I just happened to be one of the lucky ones that got one. I remember getting off the shuttle at the UCSF Parnassus campus and starting to walk to my sister’s flat when I noticed I had a voicemail. It was my nurse practitioner asking me to call her back because “it was kind of an emergency, but kind of not”. At this point I was really nervous thinking that maybe the cancer had spread instead of getting smaller so I called her back. She then told me that I had to go to the Emergency Room to start a regimen of blood thinners because I had a PE. My Lovenox Syringe So, I went to the ER where they gave me my first shot of Lo
Read more

Sticks and Stones

-
Image
Recently I’ve learned a lot of things about people in my life and I am trying to make an effort to keep away from negativity. Negativity stresses me out and stress is the last thing I need. Someone recently tried to say that karma is the reason I have cancer which left me kind of in shock. I’ll admit I’m not perfect but I definitely don’t think I or anyone deserves cancer. If that’s the way karma worked then why do so many great people get sick and die young, while many evil ones get to live well into old age? The comment made me very upset at the time but now I realize that I have to make an effort not to let negativity like that get me down. Life is too short to worry about what other people think. Maybe they didn’t mean for it to sound the way it did or at least that’s what I’m hoping, but the lesson here is to really think about your words before they come out of your mouth. Another example is talking about how you know someone that died of cancer to someone that has cancer. Altho
Read more

Hair Stylings

-
Image
Hair is important to many women and when you don’t have it; it can be pretty traumatic. I really miss having my long hair. I used to have long, curly hair. I could wear it curly or I could straighten it for a different look. People complimented me on my hair and it felt good. Unfortunately my hair fell out while I was on chemo. It fell out slowly. Every time I took a shower and combed my hair it would come out. It wasn’t noticeable but I didn’t want it to get to the point where I had bald spots and it was getting ridiculous trying to keep the shower from getting clogged so I decided to cut my hair short. I got a lovely short haircut from a friend but soon that wasn’t enough. Chemo was starting to make my head break out in a painful pimple-like rash and it hurt to wash my head. I then just had it shaved instead. I hated watching my hair fall out. Eventually I was bald without having to shave my head. The worst was when my eyebrows and eyelashes fell out. That really made me cry.
Read more