Heavy Heart

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Do you ever feel an extreme feeling of disappointment? I've had that feeling for a few weeks now. I'm disappointed in other people and I'm disappointed in myself for letting people treat me wrong. I deserve to be treated with respect and love. I don't know why I accept the way people treat me. I know I shouldn't but it's so difficult to stand up for myself sometimes. I think I've run out of tears though and I don't talk about it much because no one really wants to hear it and I hate the "be positive" conversations. Plus, I know it's my own fault for letting it happen. It's all so confusing but I know I need to take better care of myself. I need to make the decision. It's such a heavy feeling. I don't deserve it.

 In cancer news, I had an abdominal ultrasound to try and figure out why my liver hurts and everything was normal. No new spots in my liver. The pain could just be the dead cancer cells. It's good news but the pain still sucks. All my recent tumor markers have also been within normal range. Things at work have also been going really well. I was told by a manager that everyone likes me, I'm an excellent team player and communicate well with staff and patients. I also have the opportunity to get chemo certified. They are desperate for chemo nurses so they may give me the chance to become a chemo nurse. All of this is good news yet it's difficult to be fully happy about it. I guess everyone has their moments in life where they reflect about which direction they should take and I'm at one of those crossroads. I know which path I should take but it's so much different than the one I want to take. Should I follow my heart or my brain?

Comments

  1. Mandi - www.DarnGoodLemonade.comDecember 6, 2015 at 4:53 PM

    In life I say follow your heart. Instinct and emotional response seem to be a good direction setter fro challenging decisions. I always tell my hubby to go with his gut.

    ReplyDelete

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