Dreams vs Reality

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Lately I've been having a lot of dreams where I have a baby boy. In my dreams Cruz is always playing with his little brother. The baby boy has more of my features and is darker than Cruz but they still have the same father. It's just so strange because there is absolutely no chance of me having another baby unless it's the miracle of a lifetime. It feels nice though. Having Cruz has changed my whole perspective on having children. I wish that I had been given the opportunity to have at least one more but I guess God had different plans for my life. I'm still not sure what they are because He's sure making life a challenge for me but I'm still here so I guess I'm not finished doing what he has planned for me yet.

 Right now I'm mostly just focused on school and work. It's definitely been challenging. I feel like I have no time to really enjoy hiking or do some fun things with Cruz because I'm either at work, school or doctors appointments. Even though I'm exhausted I'm actually thinking of working more hours because I really need the money to pay for school, health insurance and medical bills. Oh...the medical bills. Writing to the insurance company and trying to figure out how to pay medical bills is stressful. I hate this part of being a long term cancer patient and it's only going to get worse. It just sucks because the more I work, I can feel it in my body. I get so run down to the point where I can barely stay awake when I get home. I don't like feeling that way. Am I crazy to be taking on so much? Maybe, but I can't stop. I'm still well enough to work and I have bills to pay so I have to keep on going because this week begins another hectic semester. I go back to school, work like crazy and I have my Herceptin/Perjeta infusion on Wednesday. 

 God, just help me get through this...

Comments

  1. Mandi - www.DarnGoodLemonade.comFebruary 9, 2016 at 12:41 PM

    You have a lot on your plate! Just remember to breath sometimes. <3 You are doing awesome.

    ReplyDelete

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