Making a Difference

I feel like I made a difference today at work and it wasn't with a patient but with a fellow nurse. It started off with a conversation about power ports and I was telling her how much I loved mine. It makes getting treatment so much easier because it saves my veins from getting poked all the time. Chemo is also very harsh on the veins in the arm so getting all your medication through a bigger vessel is so much easier on the body. My power port is implanted in my left chest. You can see the triangle shape through my skin but it's become a part of me. I'm not embarrassed by it anymore. But anyway, I'm getting off topic.

Talking about metastatic breast cancer with another healthcare professional still surprises me. Sometimes I'm shocked by how little nurses and doctors know about Stage IV cancer unless that is their specialty. I experienced it myself when I learned of my diagnosis. It's amazing how many people think metastatic breast cancer is curable because of all the "pinkwashing" that Komen does. Everyone believes that breast cancer is the "easy" cancer but it's not. Metastatic breast cancer is NOT curable at this time. Metastatic breast cancer is terminal. Just because I'm still here after 4 years of treatment does NOT mean I am cured. And yes...I admit...I look pretty awesome on the outside ;) but my body is a mess on the inside and I most definitely don't feel awesome most of the time. 

I'm exhausted physically and emotionally. My body is so tired but I have to keep going. I have to keep working. I explained to the nurse how much cancer takes a toll on you psychologically. For me personally, cancer basically gave me an anxiety disorder which was made worse by losing touch with friends. It wasn't that I didn't try to keep in touch because I did. I would call, text, email. You name it. But I guess some people can't handle it and they tend to distance themselves when you need them the most. There are a rare few that experience the opposite and basically have a whole community come together to offer support but from what I've experienced, seen and heard in my support groups many of us lose friends. I think we mention all the time that it doesn't matter if you don't know what to say to us or how to act. We just want you there. Be there for us. Reach out. We're not contagious. 

This seemed to hit a cord with the other nurse and she told me how she had a family member going through breast cancer and that this family member was under such a deep depression that she now requires adult day care because she can't take care of herself. She also mentioned that she had recently distanced herself from this family member but after hearing my story she was going to reach out. She hadn't considered how lonely we must feel and she didn't want this family member to think that everyone had given up on her. So, yes. I feel like a made a difference today. Even if it was something small. We all need support. Even me.