Love

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I think I’m starting to realize that I’m never going to get married. Everyone hopes they will find someone that loves them unconditionally and takes care of them. It would be nice to have someone in my life that supports me and takes care of me when I’m down. I read about all these supportive husbands that take care of their wives during chemo, go to all the doctor appointments and are there with their wives through the good and the bad news. It makes me a little jealous that they have all this support from their partners and I get the opposite. I’ve been dealing with this diagnosis basically on my own and let me tell you, it’s very lonely. I also don’t like talking to my family in detail about my diagnosis because it causes me a lot of anxiety. With my family, I’d rather pretend that everything is normal. It’s my mental get-away, I don’t want to think about my cancer. I just want to have fun and spend time with them. Although, I do wish that I can find someone that loves me and provides a shoulder for me to cry on. Sometimes you just want to be comforted and have someone tell you that everything is going to be ok.  But honestly, who wants to start a relationship with someone with Stage IV cancer, it wouldn’t be fair. I’ll never be a bride and for now I have to be ok with that. 

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