Muscle Cramps Hurt

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Recently I have been having really bad muscle cramps in my back. It started out in my calves, then my toes and now my back. It really worries me. I'm not sure if it's just long term side effects from my medication. I have been getting Herceptin for a year and a half now and Perjeta for a year. Not only am I worried about my heart giving out on me but all these muscle cramps have me worried that the cancer is coming back. Sometimes I'm not sure if it's my muscles in my back or my bones. I'm pretty sure it's my muscles though. In a way it's like my mind won't let me move on from cancer, it's always going to be there. Those thoughts won't ever truly go away but maybe it's because I know I'm at Stage IV already so I'll never truly be in the safe zone. I don't think about it all the time though but there are days when it's all I think about especially when I have these pains.

 For the most part I am happy and enjoying my life as much as I can. I wish I could travel more but as long as I'm with my son I'm happy. We're both excited because I get to go on a field trip with his class tomorrow. I don't get to volunteer in his class much because I'm a working single mom but when I have the chance I like to spend time with him by going on his field trips. We're also planning a Mami/son day trip; date to be determined. We have an idea where we want to go and we can't wait. Spending time with my son helps me forget all about the anxiety, muscle cramps, neuropathy, Lovenox bruises and my nails falling off. Going through 6 months of chemo hell were all worth it just so I could be here with him today and hopefully many more days.

 I have an appointment coming up with my oncologist which will hopefully ease my fears about my cancer recurring anytime soon. I will get my echo and PET-CT scan appointments set up and I will keep you posted. Scan time always increases my anxiety because I hate the feeling of the dye going through my body and also because I don't want to know the results but I also want to know. Confusing, I know but cancer does mess with your mind. For now I'll just enjoy my current NED status and try not to overthink my muscle cramps.

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