Bad Week :(

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I'm starting to believe that I'm way too naive and trusting of others. It's definitely not helping my stress levels either. I need to stay calm and stress free which means that I need to make some changes again. I need to remove toxic and negative people from my life which in some cases it's going to be very difficult. I also need to start exercising again to raise those endorphin levels. Right? Not fun but ultimately necessary. I wish I could take a week off of work but unfortunately it's not that easy when you're a single mom with only one income to work with. I would love to stay home with Cruz during Spring Break next week but I can't. :( I have to finish my ACLS class and work. It would be nice to have some help but unfortunately I only have myself to depend on out here since my family lives far away. In a way I feel really lonely out here with no family around. 

 Sometimes I wish I could move closer to my family. I know that eventually I will have to because I have no one out here to take care of me when I'm sick. Plus, I would rather spend the end with my family. The one person that I loved and could hold me here is gone now so I have no one left holding me here. I'm sure Cruz would adjust to a change since he's still young. I just feel like I have to do what is best for Cruz and I. I think it's important for him to really get to know my family because they will be the ones that will tell him all about me when I'm gone. I know this post sounds kind of gloomy but welcome to the world of metastatic cancer. We can never fully escape these thoughts but it sucks that I have to think about death and the steps leading up to it. I feel like I'm living on a roller coaster because there are just so many ups and downs when you have cancer. I guess I've just had a really bad week and it's only getting worse. I'm ready for some fun and excitement to come into my life.

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