Isolated

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Have you ever had that feeling like you don't belong? That's the way I'm feeling now. I've always been a shy person. I'm more of an introvert but when you get to know me, you realize that I'm not too quiet. All through elementary, junior high and high school I was pretty quiet and rarely talked but I did have a few close friends that I still keep in touch with to this day. I'm definitely more open now than in the past. I'm sure they would agree. To those few friends, I want to say thank you for sticking by me. When I went to college I was definitely even more open but I definitely wasn't the "partier" of the school. I wanted that experience and I managed to go through some crazy things with the friends I did have in college but once again I wasn't considered one of the most outgoing and popular kids on campus. I made a few friends in nursing school but the ones I considered close friends quickly faded away. I understand that life happens and people grow apart but it still hurts my feelings that hardly anyone came out to visit me while I was on chemo. There were a lot of initial words of support but probably for like the first month and then crickets...I do appreciate all the help and meals prepared for me from the moms from Cruz's school. 

 Even now, I still feel isolated. I don't feel like I fit in any group. It kind of feels like high school. I'm the single mom with cancer that everyone thinks is cured. Couples don't usually invite their single friends out. They invite other couples. I'm definitely not the first one on the list for a dinner or party invite. I'm not gonna lie, it hurts but I just have to suck it up and live my life. I just don't want Cruz to feel the effects of it. I want him to live his life, have playdates and enjoy being a kid. Why does life have to be so complicated? Why is being single and living with cancer so complicated? There have just been so many changes in two years. So much to handle and take in. It's extremely overwhelming. I'm not even sure people read this blog but it helps me to vent and let my feelings out. So once again here's the link if you want to help in any way for my medical bills. It's actually quite embarrassing but cancer is extremely expensive and it's only going to get worse. 

Comments

  1. Anneke SergioJuly 18, 2019 at 2:15 AM

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