Can I Relax Now?

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I feel so tired today. Just came off 3 days of work and have today off but I go back to work tomorrow. I have so many appointments coming up and I'm trying to re-arrange work around my doctor's appointments but I'm not getting much support this time around. It's so draining to worry about things I can't control. I try not to but it's so difficult. I wish things were easier but they're not. I think I'm going to try and just relax today even though there's so many things I have to do. I have to buy groceries, clean, get my oil changed in my car, get new tires, cook, etc. I'm so exhausted. I also don't know how I'm going to afford new tires since I still can't figure out how I'm going to pay my latest medical bill. I'm stressed that I'm stressed! Tough times.

 And my stupid scan is coming up real soon. I'm not gonna give you an exact date because I don't want others to worry about it until after it's done. I'll carry the weight of this stress on my own. I also have my infusion this Thursday but to be honest, I look forward to my infusions. Like I've said before; it's the one place I feel normal and included. It's the one place where I feel like I fit in. Does that make sense? I still don't have a ride to my infusion but I guess that's nothing new. I usually can't find someone to take me until the last minute if not at all. It's hard doing this alone. 

 I guess the good news is that I think my scan will be okay because my recent tumor markers were within normal range but I guess I shouldn't jinx myself. I'm hoping for good scans, excellent heart function and another 3 months of relief before the next scan. 

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