Happy Mother's Day!

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Today is my fourth Mother's Day after cancer. I was diagnosed a month before Mother's Day in 2012 and to be honest I wasn't sure I would still be here today...but I am. And for that I am grateful. Cruz was just 5 years old and in kindergarten and now he's almost 9 years old and on his way to fourth grade. We had a rough start, Cruz and I. I feel like I've been fighting to live since the day he was born.  As some of you may already know, I almost bled to death on the day he was born. I lost most of the blood that circulated my body and ended up needing multiple blood transfusions, IV fluids, intubation, a partial hysterectomy and a one night stay in the ICU with another 4 days on the maternity unit. Fortunately Cruz was a healthy baby boy with no medical problems. That day I lost my ability to ever be pregnant again but I was lucky enough to be the mother of my Cruz and at that time the doctors made a point to tell me that technically I could still have biological children with the use of a surrogate mother if I wanted to. You see, they left my ovaries so I could keep my hormones and that way I wouldn't go into full blown menopause. 

 I never knew that I wanted children until I felt Cruz move around in my body. There isn't a feeling like it. Almost alien, lol, but the best feeling in the world. Fast forward 5 years and then another attempt at my life. This time it was cancer. Stage IV Breast cancer, meaning it had already spread outside the breast. In my case, to my liver and therefore I am incurable. That first year after cancer was the hardest year of my life. I don't think I went more than a day without crying. The only fear I had was leaving Cruz too soon. He needed me. Kids need their mothers. I was also afraid he wouldn't remember me if I died too soon. Going through chemo every week for six months was also really tough physically. I hated that Cruz had to see me like that so I did the best I could to keep things "normal". I still went to work (never missed a day) and did my best to continue volunteering in his class. 

 And now, fast forward another 3 years and I'm still here. My hair has grown back and my maintenance therapy is working out pretty good so far. True, I still have constant appointments, infusions, scans and tests but I'll do whatever it takes as long as I'm here for Cruz. Cancer may have taken the last bit of hope I ever had to give Cruz a sibling but I am one lucky Mama. Hopefully my treatments keep working for a very long time so that I can have many more Mother's Days to spend with Cruz, his Papi and my family. Love my baby!


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